My personal journey to Hope, Serenity, and Peace

We don't have to control our thoughts.  We just have to stop letting them control us. Depression and anxiety for me go hand in hand.   Along with depression, I am diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder.  Now that my depression is stable, I can understand my anxiety more.  I had to have treatment for both.  Some of my worry led to my depression.  With my anxiety I had excessive worry.  I always thought of the worst case scenario.  Some of my thoughts became obsessive and I couldn't stop them.  It was very crippling.  These thoughts would led to helplessness and hopelessness, which in turn would lead to my emotional pain and my thoughts of suicide. Recovery for me always comes back to acceptance.  Once I gained acceptance of my circumstances and not question why, I was able to start healing.   When I got diagnosed with breast cancer, my thoughts were how and why?  There was no genetic connection.  Was it ...

 The first year of  my cancer treatment, I was actually kind of numb.  The doctors tell you about all the possible side effects that can possible happen, and I wondered how my body would  handle it all.   I was stable with my depression, I was now remarried and recently got a promotion at work.  I was grateful for all the recovery I had, because it made me that much stronger to deal with another monster in my life.  I took leave from work and started chemotherapy in April of 2021.  August had a lumpectomy and started Radiation in October.  I was finished with TX in November of that year.   During one of my radiation appointments tears started running down my face and my doctor put in for a referral for a cancer psychologist.   It did take a couple months to get an appointment, but I went, listened and shared because my body was healing physically as well as emotionally again.  I wasn't depressed. I didn't want to...

"Your stronger than you ever realized, without a doubt." For the last 15 years, I was now stable with my depression.  I was still taking medication, but my coping skills got me to the point where psychiatrist intervention wasn't needed.  I was managing my own home and full- time job.  I was actually getting be to know myself. March of 2021, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I want to say my world started crumbling again, but for some reason I didn't feel alone and isolated like I had in the past when bad news came.  I had the support of my new spouse, my adult children, family and even friends. Being emotionally healthy helped me more than I realized. I was still in shock at the thought.  For so many years in my life, my emotional pain crippled my will to live.  I was now faced with a disease that could kill me, and I wanted it gone!  I listened intently to my doctor's because I wanted to live!  My particular kind was grade 3 and spread to...

   It's possible not to just survive, but to thrive and to live a healthy, wonderful life again.       My last inpatient stay for my depression was in 2006.  A year before I had gotten the courage to leave my abuser, and ended up filing for divorce.  I was empowered by my decision, but the process isn't always easy.  The stress of it all lead to some unhealthy thinking.   Depression isn't always about wanting to end your life, it is sometimes  wanting the emotional pain to stop. After spending five days in the hospital, I was set up with an intensive outpatient program. It was two weeks from 9- 3 everyday.  I gained insight on how my childhood led to some of my decisions.  I would say my upbringing was routinely normal.  I was the oldest of three brothers, so I took on a role as caretaker as an adult.  I was easily influenced by others.  I started gaining some acceptance  and understanding into my ...

  "Believe you can, and your halfway there"--Theodore Roosevelt.    As I mentioned in an earlier post that Al-Anon  (a world wide fellowship that offers a program of recovery for the families and friends of alcoholics whether they are sober or active.)   ended up giving me great hope and serenity.  It wasn't overnight, but consistency in attending their meeting and getting involved eased my craziness. My s/o, was sober but very angry and not very supportive of my mental health diagnosis. I wasn't looking for perfection but knew the way we were interacting with each other was unhealthy.  We had moved from Massachusetts to the Carolina's,  a year prior which put more strain on both of us.  A neighbor introduced me to Al-Anon.  I was able to find some meetings that I could bring my children to.  I also had a second neighbor that I confided in and started attending a presbyterian church.  My feelings of hopelessness started to...

  It's ok to take medication.  It's ok to need therapy.   Our body and mind make us who we are.   Just like we take medication for any physical ailment, it is just as important for our brain. Most mental illnesses are chemical imbalances or changes in the brain.  That's what makes mental illness so complicated and lifelong.  This is where the stigma came for me.  I started feeling better so I cut down on my medication.  My thoughts were" I'm back to normal, I'm ok now so I can stop this medication".  Understanding is very important. This kind of thinking landed me in the hospital again.  Also it can take time to find the right medication.  It was very important for me to tell my doctor about any symptoms and keep my appointments.    My diagnosis is depression and anxiety. My recovery here was realizing that I needed both medication and therapy.  Medication gave me more energy, and focus.  Therapy helped...

"Your mental health is just as important as your physical health"     It was in 1995 when I was at my worst with my mental health. I was diagnosed with major depressive  disorder. It's the one and only time I was experiencing psychotic episodes. I would frequently see figures coming out of the cubby holes at my part- time job.  When I got out of the hospital, the medication I was taking stopped the episodes and I went to therapy to gain some stability, so I could keep caring for my children.  My s/o at the time was sober from alcohol, but still had many of the behaviors of a person still actively drinking.  During this time, I also became aware of Al-Anon.  I didn't realize at the time how much I would  come to love this program.    Our family dynamic was in chaos, and I had situations where I had to leave with my children for safety.  Domestic violence shelters and programs also became a big part of my recovery.    As a f...