FEAR NOT MY THOUGHTS.

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We don't have to control our thoughts. 

We just have to stop letting them control us.


Depression and anxiety for me go hand in hand.   Along with depression, I am diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder.  Now that my depression is stable, I can understand my anxiety more.  I had to have treatment for both.  Some of my worry led to my depression.  With my anxiety I had excessive worry.  I always thought of the worst case scenario.  Some of my thoughts became obsessive and I couldn't stop them.  It was very crippling.  These thoughts would led to helplessness and hopelessness, which in turn would lead to my emotional pain and my thoughts of suicide.

Recovery for me always comes back to acceptance.  Once I gained acceptance of my circumstances and not question why, I was able to start healing.  

When I got diagnosed with breast cancer, my thoughts were how and why?  There was no genetic connection.  Was it something I did in my past, my diet?  Again I had to accept it so I could go through treatment.  My treatment went well, I was 100% clear of disease after chemotherapy.  Radiation came to get any microscopic cells.  

After tx, however recovery isn't over, my anxiety seemed to get worse.  I started to think about my own mortality.  This is where I started thinking about my past and how some of it wasn't so pleasant.  I was also dealing with some residual effects of tx.  I developed mild cardiomyopathy and asthma from the radiation. My body was healing again from another trauma.  Again I'm glad to be alive.   I had to start using all my past tools to stay alive.



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