My personal journey to Hope, Serenity, and Peace

   It's possible not to just survive, but to thrive and to live a healthy, wonderful life again.       My last inpatient stay for my depression was in 2006.  A year before I had gotten the courage to leave my abuser, and ended up filing for divorce.  I was empowered by my decision, but the process isn't always easy.  The stress of it all lead to some unhealthy thinking.   Depression isn't always about wanting to end your life, it is sometimes  wanting the emotional pain to stop. After spending five days in the hospital, I was set up with an intensive outpatient program. It was two weeks from 9- 3 everyday.  I gained insight on how my childhood led to some of my decisions.  I would say my upbringing was routinely normal.  I was the oldest of three brothers, so I took on a role as caretaker as an adult.  I was easily influenced by others.  I started gaining some acceptance  and understanding into my ...

  "Believe you can, and your halfway there"--Theodore Roosevelt.    As I mentioned in an earlier post that Al-Anon  (a world wide fellowship that offers a program of recovery for the families and friends of alcoholics whether they are sober or active.)   ended up giving me great hope and serenity.  It wasn't overnight, but consistency in attending their meeting and getting involved eased my craziness. My s/o, was sober but very angry and not very supportive of my mental health diagnosis. I wasn't looking for perfection but knew the way we were interacting with each other was unhealthy.  We had moved from Massachusetts to the Carolina's,  a year prior which put more strain on both of us.  A neighbor introduced me to Al-Anon.  I was able to find some meetings that I could bring my children to.  I also had a second neighbor that I confided in and started attending a presbyterian church.  My feelings of hopelessness started to...

  It's ok to take medication.  It's ok to need therapy.   Our body and mind make us who we are.   Just like we take medication for any physical ailment, it is just as important for our brain. Most mental illnesses are chemical imbalances or changes in the brain.  That's what makes mental illness so complicated and lifelong.  This is where the stigma came for me.  I started feeling better so I cut down on my medication.  My thoughts were" I'm back to normal, I'm ok now so I can stop this medication".  Understanding is very important. This kind of thinking landed me in the hospital again.  Also it can take time to find the right medication.  It was very important for me to tell my doctor about any symptoms and keep my appointments.    My diagnosis is depression and anxiety. My recovery here was realizing that I needed both medication and therapy.  Medication gave me more energy, and focus.  Therapy helped...

"Your mental health is just as important as your physical health"     It was in 1995 when I was at my worst with my mental health. I was diagnosed with major depressive  disorder. It's the one and only time I was experiencing psychotic episodes. I would frequently see figures coming out of the cubby holes at my part- time job.  When I got out of the hospital, the medication I was taking stopped the episodes and I went to therapy to gain some stability, so I could keep caring for my children.  My s/o at the time was sober from alcohol, but still had many of the behaviors of a person still actively drinking.  During this time, I also became aware of Al-Anon.  I didn't realize at the time how much I would  come to love this program.    Our family dynamic was in chaos, and I had situations where I had to leave with my children for safety.  Domestic violence shelters and programs also became a big part of my recovery.    As a f...

 The Definition of Recovery according to the Miriam webster dictionary is : the act of regaining or returning toward a normal or healthy state I believe in returning to healthy, but not always normal.  I feel this will be a discussion for another time. I am very passionate about recovery programs.  Whether it be from physical to psychological programs.  It's not always easy, but with time they worked for me.  It was in the 90's when I had my first major breakdown.  Married with two kids.  I spent five days in hospital. I was discharged home with medication.  The doctor recommended my s\o at the time and I get counseling, because there was tension in our marriage and he thought that was more the problem. The recovery here was realizing my s/o wasn't 100% my partner, as I was the only one who went to counseling.  I learned that I had to take care of myself and my children first. In later segments I will talk about my recovery from an actual psy...