PURPOSE DOES'NT MEAN SUCCESS

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 "A Dead end is just a good place to turn around"



I think right now,  my purpose in life is to stay alive. I'm coming up on my forth year of my breast cancer diagnosis. I remember it like yesterday.  One of the hardest aspects of my life was finding a new normal.  I went from working full time to a having to retire.  

The past 30 + years as I struggled with depression and anxiety, my purpose was also to stay alive. I had to raise my children, make sure we were all safe and have some fun now and then.

 My daughter sent me a video called "Why having a purpose in life is bullshit".* by Kate Forster.  In it she talked about her friend that went through cancer and the advice she gave her.  

I really identified.  I don't need to have a big purpose right now.  If I want to write, I can do write.  If I want to do a thousand piece puzzle I can do that.  If I don't have any plans I sometimes just stay in my pajamas all day.  ( I still get dressed if I have to go out.). 

I do wonder if my depression is kicking up when I just have those days when I don't have any motivation at all.  I don't feel suicidal, just no energy.  I have come to the conclusion that it is both.  I have developed some residual effects from cancer treatments, and also I have some restrictions from my mental health issues.  I guess I'm letting myself off the hook, and giving myself a break.  The peace is wonderful and freeing.  Good for my mental health.

SIDE NOTE:

For those who read this or have read my other pieces Thank You.  It's been about a couple weeks since I posted.  Occasionally my physical health gets in the way.  Most of the time I find sharing and writing has helped me.  When it seems like a chore I take time off.


*https://www.kateforster.com



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